Terror Alert Levels

The AP and UPI newswires have reported that the French Government has announced that it has raised its terror alert level from 'Run' to 'Hide'. The only two higher levels in France are 'Surrender' and 'Collaborate'. The rise was precipitated by a recent fire, which destroyed France's White Flag factory, effectively disabling their military.

The Italians have increased their alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate military posturing". Two more levels remain, "Ineffective combat operations" and "Change sides".

The Germans also increased their alert state from "disdainful arrogance" to "Dress-up in uniform and sing marching songs". They have two higher levels, "Invade a neighbour" and "Lose".

Finally the UK has gone from "Pretend nothing's happening" to "Make another cup of tea". Higher levels are "Remain resolutely cheerful" and "Win".